The One Thing My Body Knew (That My Brain Kept Ignoring)

I've come down with the flu. And of course, everyone agrees — take time to rest! Rest is a part of healthy living! You're pushing too hard, doing too much!

But there's a truth underneath those well-meaning words. The people in my life do want me to rest. They just don't want me to give up the thing I'm doing for them — to make their life easier, to support or spend time with them. They want me to pull extra rest time out of thin air. And I don't blame them. That's natural. It's not their job to set my boundaries.

It will never be easy for me to say no to a good cause, a fun thing, a get-together with friends, or an obligation that aligns with my beliefs and mission. But whether or not something is "good," worthwhile, positive, helpful — no matter how important it is — I am still only one person.

The truth hit me hard, along with this flu. And I think I've learned something.

I had a college roommate who did not seem to understand the limits of time. My other roommate and I would be dressed and headed off to class, and she would stumble out of her room, squinting sleepily, hair all mussed. "Where are you guys going?" It was 7:55 am. "Class!" we exclaimed as we rushed off. In that moment, she truly thought she could be dressed, ready, and across campus by 8am. This boggled my mind.

And yet, here I am many years later, doing the exact same thing.

I'm cramming so many obligations, tasks, goals, and events into my calendar that I'm just as delusional as she was. "Optimistically hoping it all works out" — I've discovered — is just a coping mechanism I'm using to justify my inability to choose the important things. Which also means choosing to step away from the rest. Why do we struggle with this? I have no problem saying no when I don't want to do something. But when I want to do all of it? Instead of choosing a focus, I take it all on and hope, like my roommate, that the rules of time and physical limitations of the universe just... don't apply to me.

And this is how I found myself with a terrible cough and a stiff neck, having to cancel things I actually enjoy — because my body was doing what my brain could not. Forcing a shutdown. A hard reboot. And in that downtime, I finally had space to think.

How do I avoid getting here again? Because this isn't the first time my body shut down because my brain wouldn't do the hard work. And I’m tired of it.

Of all the books I've read and podcasts I've listened to, I keep coming back to The One Thing by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan. They offer a focusing question that I find myself returning to again and again: "What's the One Thing that by doing it, everything else becomes easier or unnecessary?"

You can't get too literal with it — you obviously have to do more than one thing in a day. But it's really about identifying the one priority that guides your decisions.

So I asked myself: of everything on my plate right now, what's the One Thing that makes the rest easier? My health tops the list. Then supporting my family — while also allowing them to step up and support themselves and each other. And then, making pottery. When I'm in the studio regularly, everything else in my work life flows from there. The teaching gets better, the work improves, the creativity blog has fuel. If I just focus on the business side without making the actual work? It all falls apart. There's nothing solid to stand on.

Make more work. That's it. And also — it brings me peace. When I'm not making things, I'm unsettled. It's my one thing.

But even as I was writing that out, something else became clear. Something more important.

The real answer isn't a productivity framework. The real answer is to let go of what you think others are expecting of you — and look in the mirror.

Because the pressure I'm feeling?

It’s mine.

I am the one who wants to be seen as doing it all. I am the one who wants to make a beautiful Easter table. I am the one holding on to those magic holiday morning moments, even as my teenagers get older and those mornings quietly slip away. My family would completely understand if I had to stay in bed, sick. They do not need me to live up to an imaginary standard.

So here's the thing: if I want to get up early and do all that stuff, I can! As long as I'm honest with myself that it's not for them. It's not an outside expectation. It's me — which means it's entirely in my power to drop it. Or at least to drop the resentment I feel when I push too hard and burn out. I earned that all by myself. No one else is to blame.

What did I learn from this week flat on my back? Take ownership. Keep the lines of communication open instead of clinging to imaginary expectations. Encourage my kids to do the same. It's actually really freeing to realize no one else is responsible for your happiness — because while no one's coming to hand it to you, there's also no one who can take it away.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going back to bed.

With a Deep Exhale,

Heidi

Quick Win: This week, ask yourself The One Thing question. Write it down. See what floats to the top.

Solid Solution: Use the Artist Quarterly Review Workbook to get clear on what actually matters to you this season. [link]

Treat Yourself: Want support sorting through the noise and building a creative life that's actually sustainable? Coaching is coming soon — [get on the list / reach out].